Dear you

“Don’t ever give up on your dreams because when you do I give up too”.

I can never forget these words. At times when I feel like giving up, and this is most of the times, I remember first the look you gave me when you said these words and secondly I reflect on these words. No words have had greater impact on my life; no person has ever been more influential in my life.

When I met you, and the day is clear and dear to me, I never for once thought that would be the day that defines my life. One morning, in Morningside “Waldorf” it begun, so much has changed in Morningside, much more has changed between us. Before you I was fleeting, impetuous and vain and after you, solid, determined and resourceful.

With you I experienced the worst of life and the best of life, in both, never once did you abandon me.

I would wake up in fits in the middle of the night, from a nightmare that scared me whole. You would first calm me down and then pray for me, in an instant the ghosts went away. I thought of you dearly in Oyster Bay, when the ghosts returned and by myself I coiled. Safe is he with a woman that prays.

I remember our long walks along “Narrow” street-right through to St Kathine’s dock, as you patiently heard every thought in my head. I was broad and rabid in all my ideas and how I formulated everything. You would indulge me, chide me and hold my hand (even though I resisted this gesture) and urge me to go on.

I read Bill and you read Hillary, we had our political argument at 3am before switching books and by breakfast we both agreed it was Hillary with the plan. I wrote on numerous treatises, and you faithfully edited my work. My thoughts then, were rumblings of a scattered head, but iron sharpens iron. Dearly, my treatises are sharper now.

We became “major”, our lives’ sound track always on repeat. Kanye and Nas spitting about the move from local to major. Each verse we revisited as if to convince each other that one day we would build our very own MOtown. You were my hommie, my buddy!

Remember our studio apartment, the match box we shared, on one side were a monastery and the other side Le bon Marche. Celestial versus decadence, and we were in the middle of all this. We could hardly afford this part of 6th, but you insisted we had to experience all that is Rue Babylon.

And Parisian you were, the first thing you bought was a pair of Jimmy Choo 6 inches. With all I had I bought you a chemise/blouse from your favourite shop for your birthday. Really, it was all the money I had but I knew how important the day meant to you- and of course the blouse. That day you lit up like a shooting star, giggled like a child and your hug said it all. In your eyes I was a Superstar!

In the same eyes, you cried tears that never ended. I would pain you deeply and all you could do was cry. I never want to open flood gates like that, ever again. I hurt you badly, betrayed your trust but even when we were apart the way you saw me never changed. I was still a Superstar. That, and only that drove me. I wanted to make you proud; it meant the world to me to see you proud of me, even though time had come for us to take different paths.

Years later, I still want to make you proud. I know you are far away from me, the furthest any two worlds can possibly be. And I wish you every bit of happiness, happiness I know is the running stream in your life. I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you for believing in me. Don’t ever stop believing in people. Only you, do it best. I really wish you were here to see what I have become. Will you be proud of me? I wonder........

You sowed the seed and watered the plant. Perhaps we met at such a season where only I was to gain and you were to pain. I wish now, I would pain and you to gain. But such is life, life I hold on to dearly now and hope I have the endowment to bring joy to another, to inspire and truly believe!

Thank you